Beast Speak

Things that are said, have been said or will most likely be said in a home where beasts are raised.

Beast: Male human offspring that is appraoching, entering or fully throttled into adolescence.

Eau de Eleven: The unmistakable musk that permeates a beast.  Nomenclature varies dependent upon age where ‘Eleven’ is substituted for actual age of affected beast.  (i.e., Eau de Twelve, Eau de Thirteen, etc.)

I Will“: The sometimes condescending and other times falsely sincere acknowledgement of a request made to a Beast by Mother Beast.  Usually, the acknowledgement indicates no intention of complying or possibly even registering the request Mother Beast has made.

Mother Beast: Bearer of a male human offspring that is approaching, entering or fully throttled into adolescence.

Motherly Affection:  An often unwelcome and sometimes even repulsive gesture given by a Mother Beast to her son.

Oh, Okay“:  See entry above for “I Will”.

Seeking:  Act of purposefully looking for an item, but action is not limited only to use of the eyes.  Ideally, bending the knees, using hands or arms to manipulate objects may also be required.  In extreme cases, a step ladder or chair will be used to perform this function successfully.  Recommended use of light switch to illuminate the area also applies.

Shower: Synonym for snooze alarm; also a personal sauna with occasional added benefit of cleansing the body.

Snot:  Basically, it’s the same thing as phlegm, mucus, post-nasal drip, congestion, drainage, eye discharge and fluid in your ears.

Socks Surprisingly the most important accessory a beast owns, usually accompanied by very strict standards in relation to fit, appearance and color.

Vortex:  Where lost items such as socks, sunglasses, favorite pens, homework, library books, etc. are found.

Yellow-Orange: A favorite food group of all beasts and includes, but is not limited to corn, cheese, crackers, chips, carrots, bananas, applesauce, etc.


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