Tag Archives: athletic socks

Unintended blashphemy

1 Sep

“Dear God in heaven!”

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I keep saying something that I think is blasphemous.  Well actually, I do know what’s wrong with me.  I’ve been doing something really stupid all summer long and each time I do it, I react with “Dear God in heaven!”

For some idiotic reason, I keep smelling random clothes found on the floor to determine if they’re clean or not. Guess what, they never are!!!  And let me tell you something about summer, very bad things brew in the summertime and permeate quite generously from the fibers of a teenager’s clothing.   In this instance, it comes down to basic math:

Marching Band + Cross Country + Soccer² = Toxic Wash

I debated on whether to include “Summer Job” in the formula, but my eldest works at a BBQ restaurant and the smell of smoked beef is quite a nice turn compared to everything else — those clothes don’t cause me to blaspheme my Lord. Also, the aroma of BBQ smoke is generous enough to infiltrate a 10 foot radius, so I know whether it’s clean or not before I’ve entered the room.  No need to lift and sniff those clothes.    Although, they do require the use of one of those Oxy-based detergents to get 95% of the smell out.

To be fair, I should add my husband’s contribution of “Team Manager” to the formula ’cause it happens with his T-shirts too.  I mean really, after 20+ years of marriage, I totally should know better.

I had actually improved my acts of stupidity during the summer and clearly recall making a pact to myself that if it’s on the floor, I’d just deem it dirty and NOT smell it first.  But today, I was thrown off because my dog likes to snag socks and brings them to the gameroom — clean or dirty. The pair today we’re all folded up, just like a clean set newly washed.  So what do I do?  Smell them…. “Dear God in heaven!”  They weren’t clean.

I really just need to stand firm to my rule.  No more lift and sniff!!  Maybe if I stop blaspheming Him, I’ll start remembering to just wash instead of wonder.

Deut 5:11  No using the name of God, your God, in curses or silly banter; God won’t put up with the irreverent use of his name.  (The Message)

Parenting Tip: Axe spray deodorant isn’t enough.  Once the essence of your beast really develops, an antiperspirant with deodorant is required.


They’re Not My Socks

2 Jun

Father's socks

Father Beast’s socks

Wife to Father Beast, “Whose socks are these on the floor?”

Father Beast to wife, “Not mine, they must be our eldest beast’s.”

“Eldest beast, are these yours?”

Eldest beast, “No, I don’t wear socks like those. Those are Daddy’s.”

“Honey, look at these socks.  Aren’t they yours?”

“No, I haven’t worn white socks all weekend,” as wife lifts socks to show Father Beast.  “Oh, wait.  Those look like mine.  Yeah, maybe I did wear socks like that recently. Oh, yeah — those are mine.”

Eldest beast's socks

Eldest beast’s socks

As I turn to walk away, I see the eldest beast’s socks on the floor on other side of the room. Ugh.  Welcome to Sunday night at my house.

Socks of an Unacceptable Nature

4 Feb

Row of rejection from left to right: too tight, too small, too tall, wrong style, wrong color

I didn’t expect boys would have an accessory they cared so much about as they seem to about socks.  Socks just cover your feet to absorb sweat and prevent blisters – or so I thought.  The untold reality though is that the sock may just be the most crucial article of clothing a beast will wear.  In fact, the function of a sock apparently has absolutely nothing to do with its acceptance into your home.  I’ve deduced it is all about one of two things:  fit and appearance.

Honestly, I am still perplexed appearance plays into it at all  – most of the sock is covered by the shoe.  Not to mention, my beasts haven’t even mastered the art of assembling an outfit that matches. I’ve never made a big deal out of mismatched clothes, really.   In fact, I am pretty sure all shades of red are still equal in our home.  Crimson shorts with apple red shirts – no big deal.  Pairing brown and gray plaid with an easter egg green shirt is quite acceptable for them.  So why on earth do the socks mean so much?

So then there is fit.  My elder beast has taught me something I’ve never been aware of before now:  According to him, it is in fact possible for socks to be too tight.  It is to the point that once a new package of socks has been washed and dried, what was once an acceptable fit suddenly ‘chokes’ his feet.  Of course, I have no idea what I am talking about when I assure him they will stretch if he wears them for longer than one millisecond.  The next thing I know, I am finding 1/2 a dozen brand new men’s size socks in my younger son’s drawer — rejected after one use and handed down.

And back to appearance.  Our friends have lately been bemoaning the current obsession with the ‘high-performance’ sock.  Apparently, there are some socks with ‘new technology’ (that in itself makes me giggle) that have padding on all the right pressure points for high performance athletes.  The problem is that these high-caliber socks are about $13 per pair and going on the feet of kids who believe shoes are optional outside the home.  I am waiting for the day their son leaves a pair behind so I can wash them and see what all the fuss is about myself… but he covets these socks so that they are the only thing he doesn’t forget when he spends the night.   Thankfully, in our home, we aren’t dealing with this specialty sock – yet.

For my youngest, it is all about the ‘no-show’.  Unless he is playing soccer, skiing or wearing hiking boots, there is no way he’ll wear a sock that peeks out above his shoe.   And unless it is a dire circumstance, that sock will not be white either.  Not a problem for them to be mismatched in color either.  And surprisingly pink, bright orange and neon blue are also acceptable – but white is just weird.

My husband used to pick on me when I bought clothes for the boys as Christmas or birthday gifts.  “Clothes aren’t gifts,” he’d say.  But now he’s seen the wisdom in it.  Just as electronics have replaced Legos and action figures, nothing says Merry Christmas in our home like a perfectly fitted pair of socks under the tree.  I just realized, Saturday is big baby beast’s birthday….  time for some new socks.

Parenting Tip:  If they love it enough, they’ll buy it themselves.  Besides, clothes don’t make the man – character does.
[Matthew 6:27-33   Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. 30-33“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.]
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