Unintended blashphemy

“Dear God in heaven!”

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I keep saying something that I think is blasphemous.  Well actually, I do know what’s wrong with me.  I’ve been doing something really stupid all summer long and each time I do it, I react with “Dear God in heaven!”

For some idiotic reason, I keep smelling random clothes found on the floor to determine if they’re clean or not. Guess what, they never are!!!  And let me tell you something about summer, very bad things brew in the summertime and permeate quite generously from the fibers of a teenager’s clothing.   In this instance, it comes down to basic math:

Marching Band + Cross Country + Soccer² = Toxic Wash

I debated on whether to include “Summer Job” in the formula, but my eldest works at a BBQ restaurant and the smell of smoked beef is quite a nice turn compared to everything else — those clothes don’t cause me to blaspheme my Lord. Also, the aroma of BBQ smoke is generous enough to infiltrate a 10 foot radius, so I know whether it’s clean or not before I’ve entered the room.  No need to lift and sniff those clothes.    Although, they do require the use of one of those Oxy-based detergents to get 95% of the smell out.

To be fair, I should add my husband’s contribution of “Team Manager” to the formula ’cause it happens with his T-shirts too.  I mean really, after 20+ years of marriage, I totally should know better.

I had actually improved my acts of stupidity during the summer and clearly recall making a pact to myself that if it’s on the floor, I’d just deem it dirty and NOT smell it first.  But today, I was thrown off because my dog likes to snag socks and brings them to the gameroom — clean or dirty. The pair today we’re all folded up, just like a clean set newly washed.  So what do I do?  Smell them…. “Dear God in heaven!”  They weren’t clean.

I really just need to stand firm to my rule.  No more lift and sniff!!  Maybe if I stop blaspheming Him, I’ll start remembering to just wash instead of wonder.

Deut 5:11  No using the name of God, your God, in curses or silly banter; God won’t put up with the irreverent use of his name.  (The Message)

Parenting Tip: Axe spray deodorant isn’t enough.  Once the essence of your beast really develops, an antiperspirant with deodorant is required.